Unfortunately, the only absorbent material within arm's reach was a doner kebab from the local takeaway.
Sacrificing his supper, 37-year-old Hobbs used the ke-bandage to stem the flow of blood until help arrived.
The father of one, from Bristol, UK, lost six-and-a-half pints of blood from the five-inch knife wound, which missed his windpipe and jugular vein by millimetres.
His assailant, 36-year-old Jamie Edney, was jailed for five years after being convicted for grievous bodily harm at Bristol Crown Court.
The near-fatal fight started after Hobbs accused Edney of having an affair with his girlfriend. Now that's just bad korma.
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"Got any ketchup?"