Tuesday, February 28, 2012

New Guinness World Record Set for Paper Airplane Flight

Stop press! A new world record has been set for the longest paper airplane throw.

The epic throw, sending the homemade plane soaring a jaw-dropping 226ft, 10in across a Californian Air Force hangar, was eagerly watched by millions worldwide.

Oh, wait, no it wasn't. Because most of us grew out of making paper airplanes when we were seven.

For any six-year-olds reading this, here's the video:

100-Year-Old Great-Grandmother Celebrates 25th Birthday

Few 25-year-olds can boast about receiving a telegram from the Queen.

Even fewer can claim to be great-grandmothers.

But Margaret Ware, who celebrates her 25th birthday tomorrow despite having lived for 100 years, will be able to claim both honors.

Thought to be Britain's oldest leap year baby, Mrs. Ware is probably also the most active. She still gets up at 7.30am to go for her daily walk, plays Bingo twice a week, and worked until she was 80.

The mother of three, grandmother of five, and great-grandmother of seven will celebrate her birthday tomorrow with a family gathering.

When asked about the reason for her longevity, Mrs. Ware reportedly said it was probably because she was born such a long time ago.

Click here for story

Twenty five years of hard living had taken its toll on Margaret

Fox Befriends Hound

Theoretically, they should be sworn enemies, but this fox and hound have forged an unlikely friendship.

Sadie the Jack Russell terrier and Anuska the vixen love nothing better than romping around the garden together at their home in Bedfordshire, UK.

The pair became best buddies when Sadie's owner, art teacher Brian Bevan, adopted Anuska from a local farmer.

The farmer rescued Anuska along with her eight siblings from their den after their mother was run over by a car.

All nine orphaned cubs are now living happily ever after in new homes, especially eight-month-old Anuska, who has become inseparable from her terrier pal.

Sometimes Disney tales do come true...

Monday, February 27, 2012

Vagina Sculpture Unveiled at High School

A 12.5ft sculpture installed on the front lawn of an Alaskan high school is causing titters in the classroom because of its similarity to a giant vagina.

The sculpture, called 'Warrior Within,' is supposed to represent two warrior shields encircled by glowing feathers.

Instead, students at Wasilla High School say the $100,000 sculpture looks more like female genitalia.

The work, which was reviewed and approved by the school district before installation, was initially covered by a tarp, but is now back on display.

A school spokesperson allegedly said: "We've had far too much lip from the students on this matter. The sculpture was covered up because it was labial to be vandalized, not because of adolescent snickering. We decided to stop pussy-footing around and just take away the tarp. The sculpture is now back in full pubic view."

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School officials are demanding a cervixable explanation for the sculptors' poor judgment

Man Arrested with 19-Inch TV in Pants

Master thief Eric Lee King thought he'd pulled off another daring heist when he left an electronics store with a 19-inch television in his pants.

Unfortunately for the 21-year-old Minnesota man, his efforts to perfect the art of making a quick getaway with a large electronic device stuffed down his trousers were unsuccessful.

A police officer spotted King attempting to waddle nonchalantly across a parking lot and handcuffed the thief when he noticed him reaching for something in his pants.

Luckily for the officer, King was neither trying to proposition him nor shoot him; the object he was reaching for was a stolen 19-inch flat screen TV.

Hopefully he'll be screened in jail...

Click here for story

Is that a TV in your pants or are you just pleased to see me?

Bear Crashes Family Picnic

"I'm hungrier than the average bear. Hey, look Boo-Boo, a pic-a-nic!"

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Zoo Sells Exotic Animal Poo

They know it's a crap deal, but gardeners are still going nuts over a South Carolina zoo's exotic offerings.

For $43 a cubic yard, landscapers and manure enthusiasts can purchase 'compoost' - a nutrient-rich blend of giraffe, elephant, and zebra poo.

The manure, sold by Riverbanks Zoo and Garden in Columbia, SC, is an environmentally friendly way of fertilizing lawns, because it reduces the amount of waste sent to landfill sites.

Every gardener should do his doody and buy some.

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When Charlie heard about his share of the profits, he thought it was a shit deal

Karaoke Singer Shot Dead for Picking Unpopular Song

Bad karaoke has been known to provoke an occasional spate of booing, but it rarely leads to physical violence.

Rarely, but it does happen. Apparently, the vocal efforts of a singer in a Mexican restaurant in Houston, Texas, were so offensively bad that a fellow diner took out a gun and shot him in the head.

The aspiring singer had just finished a rendition of 'Somos Mas Americanos' - roughly translated as 'We are more American,' - prompting an argument with a group of men in the restaurant.

A restaurant spokesperson said: "We advise all future karaoke participants to stick to less controversial song choices. You know, like the ones those nice chaps from Steel Panther make."

He added that next week's proposed God Bless America theme night has been postponed indefinitely.

Click here for story

The girls' rendition of "I Will Survive" could clear a bar in 30 seconds

Friday, February 24, 2012

Wine Accepted as Collateral for Loans

Good news, everybody! Loan companies are now taking wine as collateral for loans. Now, you can pop down your local pawnbroker with a couple of bottles of pinot, pick up some fast cash, and go about your business.

Talk about liquid assets!

Click here for story

Charlie's collection of $4.99 pinot noir did not impress the loan officer

Slovaks Vote to Name Bridge After Chuck Norris

No one treads on action hero Chuck Norris! Unless you're in Slovakia, in which case you just might get a chance to trample all over the martial arts expert and live to tell the tale.

Given the chance to name a new pedestrian and cycling bridge near the nation's capital, voters overwhelmingly picked Norris.

Although voting runs through April, the '80s action star is rocking a 74 percent lead with 1,157 votes, leaving runner up "Maria Theresa Bridge" lagging way behind with a puny 8 percent minority.

The final decision is up to a regional assembly, but regional governor Pavol Freso has said he will abide by the majority decision.

Good call, Governor. No one messes with Chuck Norris.

Click here for story

There was once a street named after Chuck Norris, but they renamed it. No one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

"Cooking with Poo" Finalist for Odd Book Title Prize

A British magazine has announced its finalists for a bizarre book title competition. Contenders include "Estonian Sock Patterns All Around the World" and "Cooking with Poo."

Fortunately for aspiring chefs, the latter is a reference to the Thai word for 'crab', making it unlikely that "Edible Excrement" will be making an appearance on next year's list.

Other entries for The Bookseller's Diagram Prize include 
"A Century of Sand Dredging in the Bristol Channel: Volume Two," by Peter Grosson; "Estonian Sock Patterns All Around the World," by Aino Praakli; "The Great Singapore Penis Panic: And the Future of American Mass Hysteria," by Scott Mendelson, and "Mr. Andoh's Pennine Diary Memoirs of a Japanese Chicken Sexer in 1935 Hebden Bridge," by Stephen Curry and Takayoshi Andoh.

Don't even ask...

Woman Discovers Pearl in Pizza

When Pamela Levi bit down on a slice of pizza and felt something crunch, she initially thought she'd broken a tooth.

In fact, the South Carolina woman had bitten into a pearl hidden amongst the oysters in her pizza topping.

Her lucky dining experience, at Goatfeathers restaurant in Columbia, begs the obvious question: Why on earth would anyone order oyster pizza?

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Obituary Wars!

A Florida man took revenge on his siblings by slamming them in his mother's obituary.

Angelo Anello took out an obituary for his mother, Josie Anello, in a Florida paper after she died at the age of 93.

The obituary reads, in part: 
"She is survived by her Son, 'A.J.', who loved and cared for her; Daughter 'Ninfa,' who betrayed her trust, and Son 'Peter,' who broke her heart."

Talk about getting the last word in!

Click here for story

Blue Gnomes Cause Outrage in English Town

A collection of bright blue gnomes has sparked a furious debate in a usually sleepy English town.

The 3ft high gnomes were placed on a roundabout in Totnes, Devon, as a cheery greeting to visitors.

But the ornaments are causing heated arguments amongst residents, many of whom believe them to be tasteless and offensive. The gnomes have sparked such fury that there are even calls for the mayor to resign.

Meanwhile, supporters of the vivid blue decorations dismiss the complainers as humorless busybodies.

Guess someone's going to have to enter gnome man's land to resolve this one...

Click here for story

There's no place like gnome

Chicken Nugget Resembling George Washington goes on eBay

A chicken nugget bearing a passing resemblance to George Washington is taking eBay by storm.

The nugget, which vaguely looks like the first American president, has already received a bid for $100 on the auction site.

Given that the snack is three years old and completely inedible, we can only conclude that the buyer is concocting a fiendish plot to reincarnate the president and start a poultry revolution. What a fowl idea.

I'm loving it: To eliminate any doubts, the chicken nugget is the one on the left.

Cop Caught Stealing from Station Fridge

When you've been looking forward to a delicious home-cooked lunch all morning, nothing is more annoying than opening the office fridge to find some thieving toad has gotten there first.

It's happened to all of us at one time or another. But surely no one would be stupid enough to try it at a police station?

Unfortunately for officers at Deer Park Police Station, near Houston, Texas, someone was stupid enough to try it.

And that someone - *cough* Officer Kevin Yang *cough* - is now on a 30-day suspension after his coworkers staged a sting operation to catch the dastardly lunch thief.

Placing a hidden camera in the ceiling above the fridge, police chief Greg Grigg caught the three-year veteran red-handed.

And, just like the stolen leftovers, Yang was foiled.

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Sticky-fingered Kevin Yang is now on suspension

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

M25 Coach Tour a Surprise Hit

A complete tour of the UK's M25 motorway sounds like every commuter's worst nightmare.

Circling London and its surrounding areas, the 117-mile orbital motorway is notoriously congested, frequently causing drivers to miss meetings, appointments, and flights from Heathrow Airport.

But a four-hour sightseeing tour around the road from hell is proving to be a surprise hit. Motorway geeks, bored housewives, and pensioners desperate for a bit of (semi) fresh air have all signed up for the excursion, making the first tour a sell-out success.

Now, Brighton & Hove Bus and Coach Company is planning on adding additional dates for the £15 a head tour. Sounds like a bumper deal!

Click here for story

Photo: Alamy

Karmic Justice for Porsche Driver

Ever wished the asshole zooming by you in the far right lane knowing full well there's an obstruction ahead would meet a sticky end?

Good news: sometimes they do! This is what happened to a Porsche 911 driver who attempted to bypass a line of traffic in San Francisco:

The cowardly driver was too embarrassed to help construction workers dig him out of the cement, so he just sat there. Once an asshole...

Passenger Activates Emergency Chute to Get Screaming Child Off Plane

Picture the scene: You're on a long flight and there's a screaming child in the row in front of you. You try drowning it out by blasting Slayer through your headphones, but there's something about that high-pitched wail that manages to filter through even the loudest thrash metal band. Suddenly, you realize that you're in the emergency exit row. If you just pull that handle, one quick shove would solve all your problems...

That's exactly the type of thinking that got 29 year-old Le Van Thuan into trouble. After a tedious, scream-filled flight to Ho Chi Minh City, he figured he would get the offending youngster off the plane as quickly as possible. Activating the emergency slide, he offered the child and its mother a special early-exit pass.

Shockingly, the child's mother declined Thuan's offer, and rather than receive a commendation for his out-of-the-box thinking, he was slapped with a $720 fine.

Some people just don't know a good idea when it whips them and their screaming offspring out of a pressurized high-altitude cabin.

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After three Valiums, Todd finally managed to take his hand off the emergency exit handle

Monday, February 20, 2012

Texans Build World's Largest Fur Ball

Paris has the Eiffel Tower. New York has the Empire State Building. And soon, Austin, Texas will have its own cultural masterpiece: the world's largest fur ball.

For reasons best known to themselves, members of the Texas Hearing and Service Dogs organization are attempting to collect 67 pounds of dog hair to create the Fur-O-Sphere; the world's biggest clump of fur.

The shed pet hair, collected in a 5-foot wide clear spherical ball, will be presented to the public at the Mighty Texas Dog Walk in April.

Clear your calendars now, you don't want to miss this one...

Swedish Man Trapped in Icy Car Survives on Snow for Two Months

A Swedish man survived for two months in freezing conditions after his car became trapped in a snow drift.

Peter Skyllberg was pulled out of his icy vehicle in Umea, Sweden, barely alive after spending eight weeks eating nothing but handfuls of snow in temperatures of -30C.

Experts believe that the 44-year-old may have gone into a type of human hibernation to slow down his metabolism, helping him to survive the ordeal.

Although emaciated and suffering from hypothermia, Mr. Skyllberg appears to be on the road to recovery.

Maybe next time he'll listen to his wife and ask for directions.

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"Oh good, here's that snowmobile I ordered."

Friday, February 17, 2012

Civil Servants Conduct 4-Month Inquiry Into Best Way to Open Mail

Opening mail is an understandably complex task for your average government worker. It requires dexterity, an in-depth knowledge of the alphabet, and the ability to slit open a piece of folded paper without getting a paper cut.

To overcome these substantial obstacles, senior officials at Britain's Land Registry office decided to commission a four-month, taxpayer-funded inquiry into the best way to complete the mail-opening process.

Authorizing staff at the department's Till Hill office in Coventry, West Midlands, to spend up to £5,000 on a series of tests that would show how to best tackle the complex mail-opening issue, the officials were confident of groundbreaking results.

Shockingly, however, managers in charge of the inquiry proposed the exact same solution that dumbfounded observers had suggested in the first place...hiring additional employees to open the mail.

Might I humbly suggest a second inquiry into the Land Registry's management training program?? 

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William constantly had to berate his staff for putting big envelopes in the 'medium' slot

French Bulldog Adopts Orphaned Boar Piglets

When six wild piglets were found freezing and alone after their mother was shot by a hunter, Baby the French bulldog stepped in as chief caretaker...

Naked 300lb Man Tasered in Walmart

Ah, Walmart. Home of the $11 toaster, the $12 haircut, and now the free pair of multipack socks. At least, I assume the company will not be attempting to resell the pair that Verdon Lamont Taylor donned after strolling into an Exton, PA branch completely butt naked.

That's right - the first body parts that the nude 300lb Taylor felt it necessary to cover up were his toes. Fortunately for the rest of the Walmart shoppers, Exton police disagreed and tasered the belligerent nutjob before he managed to damage anyone else's eyesight.

Nice tackle guys!

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Photo: Daily Mail

Kids....Don't Do Drugs!

Ever wondered what would happen if you smoked a butt ton of drugs, got behind the wheel of your car, and plowed into a telephone pole?

Here's your answer:

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Girl Turns on TV to See Father Dressed as Batman in Sex Show

Think you're having a bad day? Things could always be worse. For example, you could turn on the television to see your parents cavorting in a swingers' club.

Picture your father dressed as Batman with a sex toy in his hand. Now picture your mother prancing around a cage dressed in stockings and suspenders. Now take a moment to feel sorry for the 15-year-old German girl who was unfortunate enough to experience this hilariously mortifying scenario.

Donations for the teenager's inevitable 30 years of therapy can be made at www.Argh-my-eyes-MY-EYES.com

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"Claudia, is that you? Turn this channel off right now and get to bed young lady!"

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Diner Suffers Cardiac Arrest in Heart Attack Grill

If you suffer a heart attack while eating a 6,000 calorie triple bypass burger in a restaurant called the Heart Attack Grill, you really can't say you weren't warned...

And that's exactly what happened to a customer in the chain's Las Vegas branch this week. The man, thought to be in his 40s, was midway through his burger when he began experiencing chest pains and had to be wheeled out of the restaurant by paramedics.

Restaurant founder Jon Basso, who inexplicably used to manage a Jenny Craig weight loss center, denied that the incident was an elaborate publicity stunt.

Sources did confirm however, that despite wearing authentically slutty nurses' outfits, the waitresses were "no bloody help whatsoever."

Click here for story

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Shark Devours Another Shark Whole

Judge: Mr. Carpet Shark, you are charged with eating Mr. Bamboo Shark whole. How do you plead?

Carpet Shark: Gill-ty

Click here for story

Photo: Tom Mannering

Pet Food Company Creates Advert for Dogs

Pet food manufacturer Bakers has created the first British television commercial specifically aimed at dogs. The advert, which features high-pitched sounds that cannot be heard by humans, is intended to provoke a reaction from dogs in living rooms. The company hopes that owners will be more inclined to purchase their product after seeing their pup react to the commercial.

Personally, I think they're barking mad...

Click here to see the advert

Laundry Detergent Thief Fails to Make a Clean Getaway

A thief who allegedly stole enough laundry detergent to do 82,500 loads of washing was arrested outside a Minnesota supermarket this week.

Patrick Paul Costanza failed to make a clean getaway with his stash of Tide after surveillance footage from the store showed he had been taking a cartload of the detergent nearly every day for a month.

Store managers got in a lather when they noticed $25,000 worth of detergent had gone missing from their inventory over a 15-month period. The tide turned for Costanza when police checked the store's surveillance footage and spotted him wheeling the stolen detergent out to his car.

Getting on his soap box, police chief Bud Shaver said there was a black market for items such as laundry soap, because they are expensive necessities.

Rumors that the thief is a washed-up child actor are as yet unconfirmed...

Click here for story

Photo: Daily Mail

Lighter Plays Funeral March to Encourage Smokers to Quit

Want to quit smoking, but just can't seem to kick the habit? Try the Indian death chant method! Anti-tobacco campaigners have discovered that when a musical lighter plays a Hindi funeral anthem, most smokers will walk away rather than continue to light up.

Now if only they would invent one to put on the fridge...

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Death Chant: Every time a smoker tries to light up, the lighter plays an Indian death chant

Friday, February 10, 2012

Model's Giant Breasts act as Airbags in Car Crash

A model escaped from a drink driving crash unharmed because her giant boobs acted as airbags.

Sheyla Hershey crashed her car into a tree in Houston, Texas, but escaped serious injury after her giant 38KKK breasts protected the rest of her body.

The 32-year-old, who held the record for the world's biggest breast implants, wants more surgery later this year to increase her bust back to a whopping 38MMM.

We'll keep you abreast of the situation...

Click here for story

Self-Inflated: Sheyla Hershey walked away from a car crash injury-free thanks to her own personal airbags

Father Shoots Daughter's Laptop after she Complains About Chores on Facebook

When 15-year-old Hannah Jordan wrote a Facebook post complaining about the amount of chores her parents forced her to do, she thought her privacy settings would prevent her family from reading it.

Unfortunately, Hannah's father is an IT expert. After discovering Hannah's online rant, he decided to teach her a lesson by filming himself blasting nine rounds into her laptop and uploading the video to YouTube.

In an applause-worthy dose of tough love, Mr. Jordan tells Hannah she can have a new laptop when she gets off her "lazy ass" and earns the money to pay for it herself.

Sadly, Hannah is unlikely to view her father's masterpiece, since her laptop appears to be malfunctioning...

Click here to see video

Furious: Tommy Jordan blasts nine rounds into daughter Hannah's laptop.

Confused Burglar Does Woman's Housework

When Ashley Murray returned to her home in South Bend, Indiana, she was initially outraged to discover a stranger in her living room. Then, she discovered that burglar Keith Davis had not only folded her laundry and swept the floor, he had also made an appetizing chicken dinner.

Despite Davis' efforts, police were called and the hapless burglar was arrested. There's just no pleasing some people...

Click here for story

Confused burglar Keith Davis
Photo: Daily Mail

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Feminist Campaign Inadvertently Increases Sales of Top Totty Beer

When feminist campaigners urged publicans to ban Slater's brewery's Top Totty ale, they hoped to garner support from a similarly outraged public. After all, the bar clip shows *gasp*... a woman in a bikini. Instead, Staffordshire, UK, brewer Slater's has seen a dramatic increase in sales, with drinkers clamoring for a taste of the mild blonde beer.

Apparently there really is no such thing as bad publicity...

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Photo: Stefan Rousseau/PA

French Health Minister Advises Homeless to Stay Indoors

Junior minister Nora Berra had egg on her face this week after writing a blog post advising homeless people to stay indoors during Europe's cold snap. Berra noted that the homeless were particularly vulnerable during times of extreme cold and helpfully advised them to "avoid going outdoors".

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Fake Rhino Attempts Zoo Escape

Zoo Manager: "Everyone, it has come to our attention that large mammals escaping from the zoo would not be good for admission sales."

"We must take all possible precautions to avoid such an incident. Does anyone have any suggestions?"

Employee: "We could dress Bob and Dave up as a giant rhino and have them try to sneak past us at the gate."

[General all-round snickering]

Zoo Manager: "Excellent idea Stevens! I happen to have a rhino costume in my locker. Bob! Dave! Come with me..."

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Micro Pig Grows into 17-Stone Porker

When Janey Byrne picked up her pet micro pig, Meeka, the breeder assured her that the pig would grow no bigger than a springer spaniel. Here's Meeka the 'micro pig' three years later...

Photo: The Sun
Click here for story

Feeding Meeka costs more than $300 a month because the pig scoffs at least ten bags of apples and carrots every week. I bet Mrs. Byrne's regretting that rash decision!

Vicious, Raisin-Loving Pheasant Terrorizes Village

Villagers in Wootton, Staffordshire, UK, are being terrorized by a pheasant named George. The bird attacks anyone that comes within pecking distance, and his favorite victim is the postman. Apparently, the only way that locals are able to pacify the bird is by sedating him with rum-soaked raisins. Sounds like something out of a Roald Dahl novel!

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Photo: ALAMY

I Used to be a Werewolf...

But I'm alright nooooooooooooooow!

Always a classic! It's not quite so funny for these three sisters however, who are afflicted with the extremely rare hypertrichosis universalis disorder. Take a look at this:

Photo credit: Daily Mail

Click here for story

Now we can either take a moment to feel sorry for these poor unfortunate souls, or we can practice our puns. I choose the latter:

We really shouldn't laugh at them, it's not furry funny.

Their dad must have been a real lady killer.

Evenings with this family must be a real howl.

That oldest sister better find a husband soon, she's looking a bit long in the tooth.

Better watch she doesn't get her claws into your boyfriend.

Is the youngest sister single, or do they come as a pack?

Ok, I'm stopping now, this post has really gone to the dogs. But I hope it's given you paws for thought. Alright, alright, I'm done. Hey, you got a bone to pick with me?

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Police Officer Chases Himself

When a CCTV operator spotted a suspicious character lurking in a high-crime area in Sussex, UK, he knew what to do. Call in the local law enforcement, they'll catch the cheeky blighter! Unfortunately for the embarrassed Police Federation, the 'lurker' was a plain clothes officer assigned to patrol the town centre. Cue hilarious scenario in which the officer chases the suspect for 20 minutes "hot on the heels" of...himself.

Click here for story

Man Gets Stuck in Two Elevators in One Day

Getting stuck in an elevator once is unlucky, but twice?

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Sometimes you really have to wonder whether a higher power is trying to tell you to take the stairs...

Dutch Company Sells 'Derelicte' Duvets

Click here for story

Image Credit: snurkbeddengoed.nl

Does Snurk's range of 'derelicte' bedding highlight awareness of the homelessness problem or is it a slap in the faces of the great unwashed?

Who cares! I'm just excited that Zoolander merchandise is finally available in stores! I can't wait to get my hands on that teeny tiny phone!

PETA Files Whale Slavery Lawsuit

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It's the hottest trial since OJ's dog filed for legal emancipation. SeaWorld versus Tilikum, Katina, Corky, Kasatka, and Ulises. Will their marriages be legally recognized, or are civil unions the best they can hope for? Wait, that's another debate entirely. Still, the courtroom drama should be pretty intense:

Usher: "All rise"

Trainer: "That includes you, Corky. Come on, we learned this last week."

Corky: "..."

Trainer: "I'm sorry your honor, he says he's sick of performing for fat American overlords."

"Yes, I understand you have a glandular problem, I'm sure he didn't mean  anything by it."

Corky: "..."

PETA Lawyer: "Your honor, I'm afraid that my client is not willing to cooperate until his 13th amendment rights have been instated.

Corky: "..."

PETA Lawyer: "He also insists that we no longer refer to him by his slave name."

Corky: "..."

PETA Lawyer: "Erm... my client has one more thing to say to the court."

Trainer: "No Corky! Bad Corky! Your honor, we should consider evacuating the courtroom immediately. This is not going to end well. Corky, I am ordering you... no, wait, not ordering!... Asking! I'm asking you not to...

Monday, February 6, 2012

Dentist Admits Using Paper Clips for Root Canals

If you live in New Bedford, Massachusetts, look away now...

Click here for story

Let's start the timer for a minute's worth of bad dental puns:

Wow, that dentist really didn't respect his patients' fillings.

I bet he got on a lot of people's nerves.

He definitely wasn't telling his patients the whole tooth.

No way a real dentist could do this to his patients; it must have been the guy who was filling in.

I hope his patients braced themselves for that procedure.

He really shouldn't be surprised about getting caught, he knew the drill.

I wonder if the police who arrested him gave him a cavity search.

Alright, alright, let's see you do any better...

George Clooney Lookalike Contest an Epic Fail

Picture: Rex
Click here for story

David Glendon's success in the Clooney lookalike contest had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that the competition was held in an Irish whisky bar. Nope, not even a little bit.

Woman Leaves Hash Pipe in Daughter's Nappy

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"Where did I put that damn hash pipe? Oh, darn, I left it in Britney's nappy again. I really should find a better place to store that thing. Looks like I'm gonna have to go without my morning pick-me-up today. Or maybe not... Hey Jesse! JESSE! JESSE YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT! Go get my coke stash out the formula tub..."

More submissions for this year's Parent of the Year award coming soon!

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