Sunday, May 27, 2012

Drunk Man Survives Being Run Over by Train

Falling asleep on train tracks generally isn't a good idea, especially when an 8,000-ton freight train is hurtling toward you.

But one lucky drunk who passed out on a railway line in Alberta, Canada, ignored this piece of advice and still lived to tell the tale.

The man not only survived being run over by 26 train cars; he was still holding his beer when rescuers found him.

An engineer on the Canadian Pacific Railway freight train saw the man on the tracks and hit the emergency brakes, but was unable to stop the speeding train in time.

When it finally screeched to a halt, workers found the man sleeping peacefully under the 26th carriage.

The man, who is believed to have survived the incident because of his slight stature, woke up, grabbed his beer, and shambled off the tracks.

Another missed opportunity for Darwin...

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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Chinese Bureaucrats Set 'Two Flies' Rule for Public Bathrooms

The next time you visit a public bathroom in Beijing, check for flies.

Thanks to a bizarre new piece of Chinese legislation, if you can count more than two in your stall, you'll have a legitimate cause for complaint.

The Beijing Municipal Commission of City Administration and Environment issued the 'two fly' rule as part of a 'new standard for public toilet management.'

Officials have denied that they will be hiring specially trained fly counters in an effort to tweak the country's unemployment data.

Click here for story

"Excuse me, there are three flies in this stall."
"That is totally unacceptable, Sir, I'll kill one of them for you right away."

Drink Driver Arrested with Zebra and Parrot in Car

Drinkers emerging from an Iowa bar probably thought they'd had one too many this week, after seeing a zebra and a parrot hanging out in the parking lot.

The exotic pets belonged to 
55-year-old Jerald Reiter, who had taken them for a ride in his pickup truck.

Reiter claimed that the owners of the Doghouse Bar and Lounge, in Ankeny, Iowa, usually allowed him to bring the animals inside.

However, the bar was serving food on this particular occasion, forcing him to leave his unusual pets inside the truck where they were spotted by concerned passersby.

The jaunt ended in Reiter's arrest, after he blew a 0.148 blood alcohol level.

Ah, those crazy Iowans. Always game for a laugh...

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Did you hear the one about the zebra and the macaw?

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Dog Learns to Ride Bike

Feeling smug because you managed to teach your dog to sit for a treat?

Prepare to feel inadequate...

Customer Finds Deep-Fried Cockroach in McDonald's Hash Brown

A customer who stopped into McDonald's for an early morning breakfast got a little something extra in his hash browns.

Fortunately, the customer noticed the strange lump at the bottom of his snack before taking a bite of deep-fried cockroach.

He complained to the manager of the fast food restaurant, who offered him a free meal on his next visit.

Somehow, I don't think he'll be taking her up on her offer...

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"You want fried bug with that?"

Man Stuck in Trash Chute after Argument with Girlfriend

A Russian man's attempt to escape an argument with his girlfriend by leaping into a garbage chute failed miserably when he became stuck fast.

The 31-year-old man, who managed to plummet three floors before getting wedged in the narrow chute, had to be rescued by firemen in Tyumen, Russia.

The man had apparently tried to get away from his girlfriend in their high-rise apartment block following a heated argument.

That's what you get for being a rubbish boyfriend...

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"Stop talking rubbish, woman"

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Hell-Raising South Korean Monks Busted

Six leaders from South Korea's biggest Buddhist order have quit after secret video footage showed a group of monks drinking, smoking, and playing high-stakes poker.

The hell-raising monks were from the Jogye order, which has about 10 million followers, or about a fifth of the population.

Its leader has since apologized for the scandal, which took place following a fellow monk's memorial service at a luxury hotel in April.

Gambling outside of licensed casinos and horse racing tracks is illegal in South Korea and frowned upon by religious leaders.

Monks breaking their abstinence vows? Next they'll be telling us that Catholic priests have a thing for underage boys...

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"I see your Hail Mary and raise you 72 virgins" 

World's Largest Chocolate Sculpture Unveiled

Even the sweetest of teeth should be satisfied by this dessert.

Weighing the equivalent of two adult elephants, the world's largest chocolate sculpture is currently on display at the Qzina Institute of Chocolate & Pastry in Irvine, California.

The sculpture, which took more than 400 hours to create, is modeled on 
the Kukulcan pyramid in Chichen Itza, Mexico.

The Mayan theme was chosen in honor of the culture that discovered the potential of the humble cocoa bean, now a staple ingredient in millions of snack cupboards.

Weighing an incredible 18,239lb, the solid chocolate pyramid is built proportionally to the temple's true size.

It measures ten feet by ten feet at the base and stands six feet tall.

The pyramid will be on display from June until December 21, the end of the Mayan calendar, when it will be destroyed.

When they say 'destroyed,' they mean broken down and given to visitors with a sugar craving, right? Right??

Click here for story

Monday, May 14, 2012

Drunk Driver Lands in Swimming Pool

Language barriers frequently prove to be an issue in Southern California.

In this latest example, it appears that 40-year-old driver Modesto Cabral might have interpreted the term 'carpooling' a little too literally.

Either that, or he had way too much to drink, crashed his Lexus through a cinder block wall, and ended up at the bottom of a San Gabriel Valley swimming pool.

Looks like he might have flooded his engine...

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"At least I finally got that bird crap off my windscreen"

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Elementary School Misspells Own Name

A Texas elementary school has been forced to give itself an 'F' after failing to spell its own name correctly for nearly a decade.

Sunrise Elementary School in Fort Worth added 'McMillan' to its name in the 2003-2004 school year in honor of its first teacher, Mrs. Mary McMillan.

However, at some point, an extra 'i' crept into the word and it has been spelled incorrectly ever since.

The embarrassed school district has now had to spend thousands of dollars correcting everything from visitor's passes to teachers' name badges.

Guess it could have been worse. My first grade teacher's name was Mrs. Fellato...

Click here for story

"Now go back to your seat and write it out 100 times"

Neighbors Hoist Boy Racer's Car up Tree

Fed up with their local boy racer's bad driving, a group of his neighbors decided to teach him a lesson.

Borrowing a crane, they hoisted 24-year-old Zbigniew Filo's prized Ford Escort into a willow tree in the middle of the night.

The perpetrators of the stunt haven't come forward, but locals 
in Lubczyna, Poland, are hoping that the prank will shame Filo into driving safely.

Maybe he'll turn over a new leaf...

Click here for story

Underage Student Tries to Sneak into Bar Using Bouncer's ID

As a college student, getting into a bar with a fake ID is a fairly simple task.

One could even argue that it would take a real moron to screw it up.

Enter 19-year-old University of Iowa student Steven Fiorella.

Fiorella decided that it would be a good idea to get into Iowa City's Union Bar by handing a stolen driving license to the bouncer.

The only problem with Fiorella's plan was that the stolen driving license in question belonged to the bouncer.

Instead of realizing his mistake and making a run for it, Fiorella decided to tough it out. Perhaps the bouncer wouldn't recognize his own photograph, or maybe he'd assume he had an identical twin brother...

Needless to say, Fiorella was arrested later that night. Better yet, he was still carrying the bouncer's debit and AAA cards in his wallet.

Hopefully this guy isn't a pre-med student...

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"Haven't I seen your face somewhere before?"

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Australian Neighbors Settle Argument with Chainsaw and Samurai Sword

When two warring neighbors got into yet another fight, they settled it the Australian way; with a chainsaw and a Samurai sword.

Unsurprisingly, neither of the two men, from Minto, near Sydney, came off particularly well in the incident.

Mark Jorgenson, 29, was picked up by paramedics with a partially severed arm, while neighbor Troy Thornton, 26, lost a finger.

The pair had allegedly been fighting over loud music, resulting in Thornton storming over to Jorgenson's house armed with a chainsaw.

Jorgenson grabbed the closest weapon he could find to defend himself (who doesn't keep a Samurai sword next to their front door for exactly this occasion) and the pair launched into battle.

Click here for story

I guess when you live in a country where even the house spiders can kill you, any latent pussy genes are beaten out of you at a fairly young age:

Blind Retriever Gets Own Guide Dog

No one held out much hope for Tanner the blind, epileptic golden retriever.

Prone to seizures that left him incontinent, he had already been through two owners before winding up at the Woodland West Animal Hospital in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Although he was only 2 years old, it seemed like euthanasia was the most humane option for the poor pup (don't worry, this story has a happy ending...)

But then... a black lab named Blair came to the rescue (hurray!)

A skittish street dog who had been found with a bullet wound, Blair was taken in by the clinic, where he met Tanner during an exercise session.

Sensing Tanner's disability, Blair began leading him around the yard by his leash. The pair made an instant connection and soon both of their conditions began to improve.

Officials at the shelter are now hoping that the pair will be adopted together so they can live happily ever after.

Watch their heartwarming story below: