Tuesday, February 7, 2012

PETA Files Whale Slavery Lawsuit

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It's the hottest trial since OJ's dog filed for legal emancipation. SeaWorld versus Tilikum, Katina, Corky, Kasatka, and Ulises. Will their marriages be legally recognized, or are civil unions the best they can hope for? Wait, that's another debate entirely. Still, the courtroom drama should be pretty intense:

Usher: "All rise"

Trainer: "That includes you, Corky. Come on, we learned this last week."

Corky: "..."

Trainer: "I'm sorry your honor, he says he's sick of performing for fat American overlords."

"Yes, I understand you have a glandular problem, I'm sure he didn't mean  anything by it."

Corky: "..."

PETA Lawyer: "Your honor, I'm afraid that my client is not willing to cooperate until his 13th amendment rights have been instated.

Corky: "..."

PETA Lawyer: "He also insists that we no longer refer to him by his slave name."

Corky: "..."

PETA Lawyer: "Erm... my client has one more thing to say to the court."

Trainer: "No Corky! Bad Corky! Your honor, we should consider evacuating the courtroom immediately. This is not going to end well. Corky, I am ordering you... no, wait, not ordering!... Asking! I'm asking you not to...

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