'Alien' Parasite Eats Fish Tongue then Lives in Mouth

Imagine being infected by a parasite that eats your tongue and then proceeds to live in your mouth, growing daily as it feasts on your blood.

The gruesome scenario sounds like something out of a horror film, but it's actually happening to large numbers of bream all over the Mediterranean.

The highly successful 'cerathotoa italica' parasite, nicknamed 'Betty' by scientists, has infected nearly half of the fish in some areas and is upsetting the Mediterranean's eco-system.

Take a look at the picture and remember... things could always be worse.

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In the Mediterranean, no one can hear you scream

World's Oldest Couple Gets Hitched

With a combined age of 193, Lillian Hartley and Allan Marks aren't exactly spring chickens.

But the couple, who just got hitched at the ripe old ages of 95 and 98, are proof that love can blossom at any time of life.

The pair, who met in Palm Springs, California, and have been dating for 18 years, will officially be the world's oldest newlyweds once the Guinness Book of World Records confirms their ages.

You're probably expecting a bad pun or a sarcastic quote right now, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Old people getting married is adorable.

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Mother Gives Birth to Third Leap Year Baby

A Utah woman has just equalled a world record by giving birth to her third consecutive leap year baby.

Louise Estes tied a record set in the 1960s when she welcomed baby Jade on Wednesday morning, exactly four years after the birth of son Remington and eight years after eldest son Xavier.

In a genius example of frugal family planning, the Estes will now only need to buy three birthday presents every four years, saving them an absolute fortune.

"We really couldn't have planned it any better," Mr. Estes reportedly said yesterday. "Not only will we save a ton of money on birthday presents and parties, we also won't need to worry about life after graduation for another 72 years. Bonus!"

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Xavier was none too happy about having to share the limelight with his new sister

Man Registers his Dog to Vote

The average IQ of voters in New Mexico increased by several points this week, after a man successfully registered his dog to vote.

Buddy the black lab received his registration card two weeks after owner Thomas Tolbert registered him at a booth on the University of New Mexico campus, using a fake social security number and made up date of birth.

Tolbert, who says he was trying to prove how easy it is to falsely register to vote, may now face criminal charges for his actions.

Meanwhile Buddy, a registered Democrat, will be campaigning for marriage equality, higher taxes for the 1%, and unlimited free dog food for all.

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Buddy was a registered Democrat, but he had several issues with the party's stance on immigration

New Roller Coaster Rips Limbs off Crash Test Dummies

Everyone likes a good adrenalin rush.

But if you prefer your limbs attached to your body, you'd do well to steer clear of a London theme park's latest attraction, at least until its engineers can figure out how to stop dismembering riders.

Thorpe Park's new winged roller coaster, the Swarm, is so powerful that even British fighter pilots have described it as 'gut-wrenching.'

The coaster travels at 62mph, leaving riders' arms and legs dangling freely as it plummets through an inverted 127ft drop and comes perilously close to several brick walls.

Most worryingly, test runs of the new ride have seen crash test dummies return from the experience missing arms and legs.

Here's hoping park executives have good lawyers; in a dismemberment case they won't have a leg to stand on...

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"Don't worry everyone, it's perfectly 'armless"

Man Dies After Drinking Gasoline and Lighting Cigarette

And this week's Darwin award goes to....

Gary Banning, 43, from North Carolina, who mistook a jar of gasoline for a cup of water, swigged it, and then went outside to light a cigarette.

RIP Mr. Banning. The world is a sadder, but slightly more intelligent place without you in it.

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Gary went out with a bang

Deputies use Reporter's Face for Target Practice

When an investigative reporter uncovered instances of voter fraud involving the local Sheriff's office, deputies weren't going to take the accusations lying down.

Blowing up a picture of Fox 8 reporter Lee Zurik's face, they pinned it to a board on the firing range and used it for target practice.

Unfortunately for the trigger-happy Sheriff's department of St. Bernard, New Orleans, Fox 8 saw the picture and fired off a few opinions of their own.

Sheriff Jack Stephens has since apologized to Zurik, assuring him that the officers did not mean him any harm. Nonetheless, Zurik should probably stay well within the speed limit for the foreseeable future...


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Lee had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't too popular in the Sheriff's office